Women=Whoa, Men

So, Let's review:

1. The Man tells the woman she cannot appear and testify.                          Bad-Ass Bitch with Balls appears and testifies.
2. Good-Old-Boy Network orchestrates an 11-hour email-Benghazi investigation that produces zero charges and nada indictments.         A calm and classy Clinton weathers the storm of banal accusations with restraint, composure, and the occasional eye-roll.
3.  Teen from Sweden travels the world in an effort to save the planet.     Men gang up the tease, chastise, insult, and berate her for shining a beacon on their reckless disdain for our Globe.
4. The Man in Turkey starts a genocide campaign thanks to the tacit OK from the pathetic little Man from the USA.                                                 The Fierce Frau from Deutschland calls it out to the International Community while harshly condemning it.
5.  USA Women win the World Cup.                                                                 FIFA Men fail to parlay with them for pay parity. 

I could do this all day long from Adam's Rib to "Boys will be Boys". But the denominator is simply that men have been running the show, ruining the environment, waging the wars, and greedily grabbing the goodies long enough. The time for Women has come. I.E:

MAN          Let's "erect" a forest of phallic NYC towers to make money.

WOMAN   Hold it.  Where do the kids play?

MAN          It's a car. It runs on fossil fuel.

WOMAN   What comes out of the exhaust pipe?

MAN          Carbon Monoxide.

WOMAN   I'll take pedestrian over poison anytime.

MAN          God made Man in his image and likeness.

WOMAN   I hung out with God the other day. She has a copy of "Origin of                      Species" on her nightstand.

You've come a long way, (I'm not your) Baby. From Notorious RBG to POTUS HRC (men cooked that one), Taylor Swift and Michele Obama, Pelosi and Amanpour, Beyonce and "Yes We Kam"...Women have asserted themselves while perverted, pussy-grabbing predators watch their potential prey pounce on assailants, maul the misogynist, and clean the hypocritical clocks of faux Male Christian evil-gelicals.

Now I know there are 2 or 3 woeful women who don't pass the above muster. Just like there are 3 or 4 nice guys out there. But, analysis of The Age of Man clearly illustrates that it's time to whoa, man and turn the societal reins over to Ms. Thang!

This may have been a bit harsh for you guys out there, so, as a proud male feminist, let me offer a closing comment in the effort to garnish empathy and solace from all ya'll. 

If A Man Makes a decision Alone in the Woods and the Woman isn't There, Is He Still Wrong?

There Is Only The Bible (WHICH ONE?)

Jim and Me, Out For a Stroll

There Is Only The Bible

(WHICH ONE?)

Before we continue down this philosophical minefield, dear reader, let’s look at the extremes of the spectrum. There is:

A.   Faith is a fact, couched in scripture, dogma and a reality that defies science or

B.   Faith is the belief in unprovable concepts

C.   How about we all “pray” for something in the middle of A and B?

Now I expect to lose the “A” peeps as I continue so, send me to Hell in a blog-basket so I can mix it up with Mephistopheles. And for the “B” tribe: I still believe my cherished Cleveland Browns will win the Superbowl. Ergo, let me embrace my foolish faith in a fantastically slim football fantasy.

Read on if you desire. Kneeling, facing the East, dancing with snakes, getting “saved” or fasting is optional.

George Carlin and Karl Marx had one thing in common, if you can believe that. Oops, there’s that “believe” word again. They made a platitude of religion being a mix between the opium of the masses and simple BS. It is a plausible harmony harnessing the Comedian to the Commie.

Thus, we have set the stage for the battle between biblical and biology, science and scripture, deities and DNA.

To navigate this perilous path further, I offer a true story that puts faith and fact into a palatable fable. Appropriately, the setting is the set of “The Passion of the Christ” in Rome. Yeah, I know, the Passion was in Jerusalem around 33 A.D, but, Mel shot some “believable” footage at Cinecitta.

With a combination of pride and shameless bragging, I crow that I was in the film, cast as “Eyepatch”, a Jewish Temple Guard with one eye (duh) who got to beat the b-Jesus out of Jesus. I asked Mel, “Couldn’t I have a name like Abraham, Jacob, Esau, Bubba…?” Nope, “Temple Guard with Eyepatch” was the final tag from Director Gibson.

A few years back I wrote a piece titled “Of Mel and His Movie”. Before I continue with this present saga, I want to reiterate that he ran a great set, one of the best I ever worked on in my prolifically puny career.

Mel put his finances behind his faith and produced what he “believed” was an authentic representation of the last days of Jesus, complete with a shooting script in a combined Aramaic, Latin, Italian and English. What began as a project of personal faith became a manic media mess as cherry-mandering (Note: Cherry-Mandering is my EduTainment morphing of cherry-picking and gerrymandering) “experts” shot off cheap shots that the film would be too anti-Semitic, not anti-Semitic enough, blasphemous, or just a bad idea. Even the Vatican gave a non-supportive thumbs-down. All of this turned an approximately 25 million production into a messianic monster that has exceeded 400 million and is still pumping.

With all the hoopla, theologians, professors, authors, and intellectuals were drawn to the set. The producers, staff and crew encouraged this and organized informal discussion sessions that could be implemented between “takes”. Anyone who has ever worked on a feature film knows that “between takes” translates into “something constructive to do to counter monotony and boredom”.

As a cast-member. Professor, mother-tonged American and curious cat, I joined in on these informal chit-chats where tenets like the following were discussed:

·      Did Jesus really exists

·      What was the local language of Judea

·      Is Jesus the Messiah

·      How was Roman Colonialism applied in this region

·      Can we get a group shot with Monica Bellucci

After some spirited discourse, laughter and respectful bantering between Imam’s, Rabbi’s, Priests, Professors, and even a few politicians, the casual committee was preparing to disband. Then, a quiet lady who was intently listening decided she would offer a comment to the group. Being a sarcastic soul, I was the one to retort.

She                This is all very interesting. But for me, there is only the Bible.

Me                 Which one?

She                There is only one Bible

The explosion of laughter shook the fake walls of Pilate’s Palace behind us. Immediately, the theological brain trust began a rapid-fire regalia

Catholic                               Pre or Post Council of Nicaea?

King James                        With or without his head?

Lutheran                             Thank you, Mr. Guttenberg

Greek Orthodox               Or Russian?

Mormon                              That’s the new cucumber

Old Testament                 No Messiah yet

New Testament                Messiah is here, I just saw Jim Caviezel on set

Quran                                   That’s the 3^rd book in the Abrahamic Trilogy 

Protestant, Baptist, Methodist, Presbyterian…which version did they subscribe to…

On and on it went to the delight of many and the utter misery of this nice, Christian lady.

In summary, there is only the Bible, in any morphing. Whether fact or fable, Word-of-God or Latin Monk bad translation of Arab Scribe, Testament of Truth or Harbor for Hypocrisy, one can harvest the kernels of concepts that enhance community, promote civility, and champion love.

Full disclosure: I talk to God every day. She says:

·      Deuteronomy and Darwin are cool

·      Nurturing nature is our mission as homo sapiens

·      Rule-Of-Law is the one true religion

·      Just be nice to each other. Or at least, tolerant

Perhaps, if we follow Her advice, a better life will unfold for us and Her Cousin, Mother Earth.

PS:     One day on set, we were preparing to shoot the scene where Jesus (Jim) is being accused, denounced and clobbered by the Scribes and Pharisees in the Temple. Mel gave me direction to be part of the pounding posse.

Mel                         Action

Pow, Ugh, Ouch…

Mel                          Cut

Jim (to me)            Hey Tom, take it easy on the next take

Me                           Jim, I spent 12 years in Catholic School

Jim                          Bring it on

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Southshore is Dog Heaven (WITH RULES)

Those who keep and care for four-legged friends here know that this place is a virtual canine Valhalla. Trails, lawns, ponds, a doggie park, and countless waste bins adorned with the oh-so-necessary  poopie plastic baggies.

Yet, there is a constant oopsie as folks bounce through this bucolic paradise with their beasts. WHERE’S THE LEASH?

There are countless reasons for this Southshore sanction. I offer you three:

Coyote Cafeteria

Our original residents are tame, calm, not interested in humans (I can sometimes relate), and effective-efficient garbage disposals. Face it. You don’t see carrion, carcasses, or a flood of carrot-eating bunnies. Aside from the crap that they love to deposit on the streets and sidewalks (who knows why), our Wiley Wild Bunch are great hosts.

Remember: We invaded their turf, not vice versa.

However, even the most docile wild dog will dash after a four-legged fur ball, especially a small one. Your off-leash frolicking Fido makes for great fast food. Trust me, Wiley is faster.

Owner

You ate my dog.

Wiley

Looked like a rabbit to me.

Owner

That was my dog. My baby.

Wiley

Dog. Rabbit. Baby. They all taste like chicken (burp). Excuse me. Gotta  make a deposit on the sidewalk.

Bow-Wow Blitzkrieg

Predator or prey? Ambusher or victim? Deranged dog or docile potential dinner? No one can predict when a cuddly companion will morph in Kujo.

Police Officer

Your pet was the aggressor?

Owner

My Fluffy never did this before.

Police Officer

Was the dog off-leash?

Owner

She always stays close to me and minds my commands. I thought it would be fine.

Police Officer

What do you think now? And, speaking of fines…

Hook the Shot-Hit the Hound (Or Husband)

( Southshore Course is a separate entity. Got a question or a beef? Seek clarification from them. Below is a diatribe about DANGER)

Our world-class course has it’s rules as well. Now that the reseeding has taken hold and the green velvet fairway has rolled out a soon-to-be-divot-disaster welcome mat, duffers and pros alike tee off, hoping to negotiate traps, water hazards, and that one member of the foursome who always cheats.

Gross Great Dane Goop on the Green, Terrier Tinkle on the Tees, or Rottweiler Residue by the Rough need not enhance the plethora of legitimate land mines already installed.

Plus, there is always the chance of an occasional (frequent) hook or slice. If you are strolling around the course (a no-no) with a pet (a bigger no-no)  and the critter is off-leash (hat-trick for stupid), you are fair game for a fairway deadly drive.

So remember pet-owners, there are plenty of play and pacing areas accessible in Southshore ON-leash). You pet-owner buddies will share the countless parks and runs that are a short hop away by car or even golf cart.

Owner

Time for a walk-ie?

Pet

86 the leash. Let’s cruise.